My Very Last Free Write...

I enjoy writing and talking about pop culture, however by the end of the semester I grew tired of the recurring theme. Personally, I could have thought of many more things to write a memoir about if the topic hadn't had to be pop culture. I did enjoy the mixtape as part of the final because musci has been a passion of mine for nearly my entire life, so it was easy for me as well as fun and it helped me to look back on the music in my life and see what had meant the most to me and when and why. I also enjoyed having the ability to text a professor if I needed to and not feeling like it would be akward. As far as other social utilities go though, I would much rather have had typed and printed off papers and handed them in rather than writing blogs about things. I never really got the hang of google docs and couldn't figure out how to retreive things that other people had put on there so I don't really have an opinion on it other than that it could be made easier to use and more accessable.

New Moon Review... At First

The Twilight saga has become all the rage in the past few years. Not only has this series of books become popular among pubescent girls, it also appeals to theirs mothers as well. The books, which are currently being made into movies, are obviously written to a target audience of 10-15 year old girls. Although, author, Stephenie Meyer, succeeded wonderfully in appealing to the masses and creating a series of books that rivals that of the Harry Potter series.

The second movie of the series, New Moon, was recently released into theatres. After enjoying the first film, going to see New Moon seemed appropriate. This as I would come to find out, would be a decision a soon regretted. Bella, a brooding high school senior in the town of Forks, WA. begins the movie depressed about celebrating her 18th birthday, which makes her a year older than Edward, her vampire beau. After realizing that he can only bring more harm than good to Bella’s life, Edward decides to leave her behind and move, with the rest of his “family”, to Italy. Bella, heartbroken, turns to her friend Jacob and begins partaking in a series of reckless activities that she believes will force Edward to return to her. Jacob, who eventually falls in love with Bella, turns out to be a vampire-hunting werewolf. Without giving away any major plot points I can say that in the end, Bella must choose between Edward and Jacob, which is a choice that is seemingly easy for her.

As if the story line wasn’t mundane and predictable enough, the movie was worsened by sappy, corny line after sappy, corny line. New Moon isn’t nearly as good as it’s prequel, Twilight, which gave a more realistic and relatable feel with it’s heated passion and seat-gripping fight scenes. This sequel was apparently made with money and box office records in mind rather than quality and entertainment. The monetary goal was certainly achieved with the film grossing over $200 million is merely eight days.

In short, this film is simply mediocre at best. While it is necessary to watch New Moon if your goal is to get the complete story without ever actually reading a book, it would be best to save your money and wait until this teen romance comes out on DVD.

No Smoking

Next semester here at TTU we are switching to a smoke-free campus... This is sure to cause many debates among students. I myself am slowly trying to quit smoking, however even as someone that will soon have no stake in this decision I do not think it's right. TTU is a public university. Most students pay out of pocket or take out loans to cover their tuition. I personally think it is wrong to ban smoking from campus completely. If the school were going to create a designated smoking area then that would be one thing, however they have no intention of doing so. I pay to go to school here and if I would like to enjoy a cigarette on this public property while walking from class to class I reserve the right to do so. yes, they are promoting healthier habits among those in their late teens and early twenties and I respect that but as many professors will point out, we are not children anymore, we are adults and our health is our problem and concern. I am sure that the school will benefit from this monetarily and am absolutely appalled that they are making such a drastic decision and taking away the free rights of many hard working students for their benefit. I also understand that it is important to those who don't smoke not to be bombarded by second-hand smoke while on campus but designated smoking areas would easily fix this problem without trampling on the rights of anyone.

The Curse

I recently received and e-mail from my step-mom that contained a letter from a woman to the brand manager of Always maxi pads. Being a woman, I found this letter hilarious and feel compelled to share it with everyone I know. This anonymous letter won numerous awards and single-handedly describes a little bit of what we women go through during "that time of the month". Most men just don't get it and, realistically, we don't expect them to. We only want sympathy and compassion. So anonymous woman, wherever you are, kudos and a tip of the glass to you.

Here is the letter:

MR. SCOTT AMEISEON,
BRAND MANAGER,
PROCTOR & GAMBLE.


Dear Mr. Ameiseon,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Ameiseon? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Megan fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you f***ing kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness, actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, Scott? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullcrap. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Sincerely,

Me

Holiday Cooking. Hip Hip Hooray!

Everyone knows that Thanksgiving and Christmas are the two holidays of the year where the greatest foods can be found. Because my parents are divorced, I celebrate Thanksgiving four times, with my mother's family, my step-father's family, my dad's family, and my step-mom's family and Christmas is the same. As I'm sure you can concur, this means four meals at each of these major holidays. As gaining weight is a dreaded possibility for most during this time of the year, it is a certainty for me. Thanksgiving has already passed, but Christmas is less than 20 days away now and I am anxiously awaiting the hustle and bustle of rushing to different celebrations and and enjoying a plethora of holiday eats. First, I'll celebrate with my step-mom's family on Dec. 19. The food at this celebration is generally not your traditional style Christmas food. We usually have delicious potato soup, buffalo chicken dip, various fruit trays, cookies, homemade cheesecake, and tons of other food made with a butter base and saturated fat galore. Then, on Christmas Eve, I celebrate with my step-father's family. This usually consists of separate boy and girl pass-arounds (there are just waaaay too many people for us all to have one) and a nativity play staring the most recently born baby and it's parents. The food is generally fairly mellow. Ham, turkey, various cheese balls, broccoli casserole, and your standard pecan, cherry, and pumpkin pies. Christmas day is always spent with my dad's family. Of course I open presents, enjoy watching my little sister open presents from Santa, and eat a huge breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, homemade biscuits, hash brown casserole, and gravy. Mmmm. :) The day after Christmas is when my mom's family get's together. Of course we open presents as well and then we eat. My grandmother may be the greatest cook in the world. Baked chicken, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, asparagus, broccoli, sweet potato casserole, homemade rolls, and quiche. As anyone can clearly see not gaining 20 pounds over this period of a week would be a difficult challenge for anyone to face. Thus my New Year's resolution always being to go on a diet or work out more. One of these days I will have my own home and family and I will make all four sides come to be for one big celebration. Wait... That could be catastrophic. Nevermind.

It's A Wonderful Life

Who doesn't love Christmas movies? I've never met a person that doesn't. Perhaps one of the best and most legendary is It's A Wonderful Life, a 1947 Frank Capra classic. For those who don't know the story I'll give you a bit of background. the movie is primarily about a man named George Bailey, who lives in the town of Bedford Falls. George gave up his dream of traveling the world and took over his father's building and loan company to prevent the devious banker, Mr. Potter from taking it from their family. When George's Uncle Billy misplaces $8,000 of the companies money, George realizes that he will be held responsible and could go to jail, losing his family and company in one fell swoop. George decides that night, Christmas Eve to end his life. However, the prayers of his family send an angel named Clarence to help him instead. Clarence shows George what the town of Bedford Falls would have been like if he had never been born and George is appalled by the disgusting town, overcome in by sex and lies, run by Mr. Potter. He then realizes that he has truly touched many people and realizes that his life really is wonderful. Of course everything works out for the best and George lives happily ever after and is a better person for his experience. It's A Wonderful Life truly teaches you to appreciate life and to realize that even on your darkest of days you should remember that you've made a positive imprint on at least one person's life and that is enough reason to go on no matter what.

Finals and Fights

All in all I can pretty much say that my first semester of college has sucked. I've been, sick, sicker, and then sick again. There's no telling how many days of class I missed and how many assignments I've had to make up. But I'm almost completely caught up now, thank God. Dead week starts Monday. I have a test in Mass Comm that day and all my other classes will be basic review with the exception of English. I'm failing Biology, that is certain, so I doubt I'll even take the final. I've already signed up to take it again next semester so that my GPA doesn't completely suck. Everyone in my apartment is on edge. I live with three other girls. FML. I, generally speaking, son't get along very well with most other girls because I have an incredibly low bullshit tolerance. I brought pots and pans and various nice cooking utensils that two of my roommates took it upon themselves to use all the time without cleaning and without any regard for my feelings about sharing my things so frequently when they never cleaned them afterwards or asked for my permission before hand. Finally I got fed up and left a not so nice not on the refrigerator stating that no one was allowed to use my things anymore because I had brought them for me not for "us" and that their blatant disregard for my personal property hurt my feeling and made me angry. I mean who gets an apartment without considering all of the things you'll need to furnish it with? This note, unbeknown to me, sparked serious tension between everyone. My incredibly sensitive, baby of a roommate, Molly took it to mean that I hated her and wanted her to move out. Wow. After a screaming match took place last night that ended with her in tears and me leaving the apartment in a rage, she then got into another fight with my roommate Jaclyn who has a very short fuse. This fight was apparently even more heated that mine. This morning everyone is pretending that nothing happened and they are all till continuing to walk on eggshells around the sensitive Molly so as not to hurt her feelings. Fuck that. I refuse to walk on eggshells in my own apartment. If something upsets me or hurts my feelings you can be damn sure that whoever did it. I am not one of those girls that will scream and get in your face about it though. I pride myself on being fairly rational and reasonable and do not like fights so I can usually make the issues known through calm discussions. But as far as pretending everything is fine so that the baby of the apartment doesn't cry and run home to mommy is concerned, it'll never happen. We are all big girls. I'm 20 years old and this high school drama doesn't amuse me anymore. Next year, I'm living by myself.

Snow, Pancakes, and Basketball Victories

Winter is, by far, my favorite season. From Christmas to New Year's and Valentine's Day, winter is definitely the most fun season as far as celebrating with your friends and family. Today it snowed for the first time this year. I LOVE the snow! When I woke up this morning I suddenly remember that there had been a prediction of snow. Snow!!! I thought. I groggily climbed over my boyfriend, waking him up in the process, and looked out the window to see if the prediction had come true. It had. As a childish smile slowly appeared across my face, I climbed out of bed and shouted at Chris to get up. Of course, I wanted to go outside and play in the snow. As he mumbled "Ugh, I hate you." he cracked a little smile and got out of bed. After getting dressed in our warmest clothes, we went outside and threw snowballs at each other for awhile before building a small snowman. I hadn't been that happy in quite awhile. 2009 has been quite a rough year for me both physically and emotionally and today was a much needed break in the stress of everyday life. Chris and I then went inside. He made pancakes, I made coffee, and we snuggled up on the couch. Then to top off a great morning, we watched the University of Kentucky vs. University of North Carolina basketball game. UK, my favorite team, won 68-66. As I sit here at his desk reflecting on the past few hours, Chris is getting ready for work. I am happy - truly, purely, 100%, honest-to-God happy - and I hope I stay this way for a long time.

I Wanna Be A Gilmore Girl...

Since the first time I watched it, I have loved the television show Gilmore Girls. I love their witty banter and the dialog is just plan hilarious. One thing that has always slightly bothered me though, is the relationship between Lorelai and her daughter Rory. The two don't have your standard mother/daughter relationship. They are friends first and mother and daughter second. I have always hated that dynamic. Your mother is your mother and your daughter is your daughter. I believe that parents and their children can only really be friends when the children are grown and no longer depend on their parents. The majority of the conflict that happens between Lorelai and Rory on the show is because Lorelai begins to act like more like Rory's mother than her friend because Rory has done something wrong. As an adolescent I'm sure that it would become confusing when your relationship with your mother had been all twisted around like that. I like the show nonetheless but that is a factor that truly annoys me.

Profiles Unit 2 Reading Assignment

The story about Lau the "Cookie Master" is really a great one. Even though it'snot that exciting it is always good to hear success stories about others who have worked hard to get where they are and build their companies. Though I was a little depressed to find out how fortunes are written. I believe the naive part of me hoped that there was a bit more magic in it than that.

It refreshing to hear that there is an actor out there that make an effort not to let fame run their lives or affect their jobs as parents. Johnny Depp is one of the greatest actors of our time and I think that one reason that people like him so much, other than the fact that he is a phenomenal actor, is because he seems so real and honest. More actors and public figures should strive to belike Depp.

Annotated Mixtape

I couldn't pick just one particular time period in my life to base this mixtape off of. So many moments in my life have been defined by different songs and just music in general, so my overall theme, I suppose, is "The Life of Marley".

1. Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones

I believe this was the first song I ever knew all of the words too. I don't remember when I heard it for the first time because I couldn't have been more than two years old. See, my parents divorced when I was one and my mother moved to Lewisburg, TN. My dad, who still lived in our hometown of Owensboro, KY. would drive three and a half hours one way to come pick me up every other weekend in his really awful red S10 pickup truck. Every other Friday, without fail, he would come pick me up, we would stop at White Castle for dinner and listen to his Ramones cassette the whole way to his house because it was my favorite. Then, every Sunday we would do the same as he brought me home. This is probably the earliest recollection I have of music and it sparked an appreciation that I will never lose.

2. Blame It On Your Heart - Patty Loveless

I almost feel ashamed that to admit that this song had a major impact on my life, however, it certainly did and I cannot leave it out. This was the song that helped me realized that I love to sing and perform. I must have been about three when I heard it and, after immediately learning all of the words, I sang it everywhere I went. If I started singing this song in the middle of a department store, there was no way that anyone was going to get me to move until I had finished belting it out.

3. I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys

When I was about 6 years old I got my first Backstreet Boys CD and I instantly fell in love with them (A.J. especially). Then for my 1th birthday my aunt bought me tickets to see them live in concert. It was my first concert and when they sang I Want it That Way (which was my favorite song on the album) it was the happiest I had been in my life up to that point.

4. I'm Sensitive - Jewel

Once I was riding in the car with my dad and my step-mother and she said something that really upset me. A few minutes later this song came on the radio and I was in the backseat crying. She turned around and made some rude comment about how that song is about me and I'm just too sensitive. I was only about 8 years old and so that really hurt my feelings and for a long time I told myself that it was absolutely not O.K. to cry in front of people. I don't believe that anymore of course, but to this day I can't hear this song and not cry. As Jewel says, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.

5. Brown-Eyed Girl - Van Morrison

Cliche', I know, but I love this song. My mother, my sister, and myself all have big brown eyes and I can remember many occasions when we would be in the kitchen or in the car and break out into this song. When the three of us sing Brown-Eyed Girl it's almost as if the rest of the world disappears and it's just the three of us.

6. I Wear My Sunglasses At Night - Cory Hart

Everyone has that one song that they love regardless of how idiotic it may be and this one is definitely mine. It's just a song that never fails to make me happy whenever I hear it and it's one of the few songs that I could listen to at any time, no matter my mood.

7. Closing Time - Semi-Sonic

Well, there was this boy... Of course every girl has a story that starts out with a boy. Mine is probably not unlike many others. The summer after my sophomore year we started spending quite a bit of time together. He was already in college so I knew that when summer break ended, so would the spark between us. One night though after a long day canoeing we laid on the hood of his car drinking SunDrop and eating Reese's and singing this song as it played on the radio. That may have been one of the happiest nights of my life. While my feelings for that boy are long gone,Closing Time still takes me back to that brief moment in time.

8. The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars

This song is just kind of about defiance for me. It's about breaking away from someone who has always hurt you and finally deciding that you're not going to take it anymore. When I was a sophomore I listened to this album all the time and this song really got to me because it really speaks about the kind of relationship I have with my step-father. He has always cut me down and this song gave me a lot of inspiration and motivation to stand up to him and fight for myself because if I don't then no one else will.

9. Blue In Green - Miles Davis

Wow. I remember just being floored the first time I heard this song and "Wow." was the only comment I could come up with. I think there's something truly beautiful about a song that is completely dedicated to musical ability rather than a person's vocal ability. Every time I'm feeling blue I just get into my car and drive around while listening to this song and it never fails to give give me a new outlook on life. This is one of the few amazing songs that has been helpful and relatable throughout every walk of my life.

10. Stop This Train - John Mayer

This song has been extremely touching to me throughout the past year. I'm in this phase of my life - this funk - where everything seems to be more difficult than every before. Sometimes I wish I could stop the train of life and just put everything on hold.

11. I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

I've liked this song since I first heard it about ten years ago, but lately I've grown to like it even more since so there's been so much turmoil in my life here in the past few years I Won't Back Down has a lot of meaning to me. To me, it represents standing up to all of your problems no matter how how difficult that may be.

12. Forever - Ben Harper

About a year ago I started to realize that all of my relationships with men were incredibly unhealthy. Until I started dating my current boyfriend in March, I had never had a relationship that was anything more than physical. I always felt that if I distanced myself from men there was no way they could break my heart as so many others in my life have done. Forever really helped me to realize that not only did I want to break away from these destructive types of relationships, but that I needed to.

13. You Wouldn't Like Me - Tegan and Sara

I think everyone goes through phases of their lives when they don't like themselves very much and I am no different. You Wouldn't Like Me embodies that feeling in a way that no other song has ever been able to do for me.

14. You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd - Roger Miller

My best friend, Brittany, and I used to be managers for the boys basketball game at our high school. On those long bus rides to far away games we would get incredibly bored until the day that I discovered Roger Miller. The two of us would sing this song as loud as possible on the bus to entertain ourselves while annoying the cheerleaders. Every time I hear this song I smile.

15. Swing Swing - All-American Rejects

This was the very first song I ever learned how to play on the guitar. I think that pretty much says it all.

I Am An Assassin

I recently bought the new John Mayer CD and, of course, it's amazing! One of my favorite songs on the album is Assassin and I think it's one of my favorites because I can really relate to what he's saying. I was kind of, well very, promiscuous in high school and after I graduated and pretty much until I started dating my current boyfriend.I was all about the no-strings-attached, purely physical relationships. That was how I liked it. It was safe.If i didn't get attached then no one could hurt me. When I met my current boyfriend (we've been together since March) my plan was to do the same with him. But some where along the way I fell for him, and he for me. Thus here I am in the longest relationship of my life doing the very best I can not to fuck it up. I still get a little manic sometimes and freak out and let all of my insecurities get the best of me, but I love him with all of my heart and I know that he loves me as well so my days as an assassin are officially over. But the lyrics to the song are:

I work in the dead of night/When the roads are quiet, no one is around/To track my moves/Racing the yellow lights/To find the gate is open, she's waiting in her room/I just slip on through/You get in, you get done and then you get gone/You never leave a trace or show your face, you get gone/Shoulda turned around and left before the sun came up again/ But the sun came up again/Into the morning light/To find the day is burning the curtains and the wine/In a little whit room/No I'm not alone/Her head is heavy on me,she's sleeping like a child/What could I do/You get in, you get done and then you get gone/You never leave a trace or show your face, you get gone/Shoulda turned around and left before the sun came up again/ But the sun came up again/I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen/I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing/I'm an Assassin and I had a job to do/ Little did I know that girl was an Assassin too/Suddenly I'm in over my head and I can hardly breathe/Suddenly I'm floating over her bed and I feel everything/And suddenly I know exactly what I did, but I cannot move a thing/And suddenly I know exactly what I've done and what it's gonna mean to me, mean to me/I'm gone/I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen/I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing/I'm an Assassin and I had a job to do/ Little did I know that girl was an Assassin too/She's an Assassin/She's an Assassin/She's and Assassin/She's an Assassin and she had a job to do.

Reading Assigned for Evaluation/Review Unit

I completely agree 100% with the essay defending Dawson's Creek. While the show was never a favorite of my own, I believe that too many parents and advocacy groups try to shelter their children from things that go on everyday in the world. I believe that this does nothing to protect their children it only makes life more difficult when they go out on their own and are completely naive to what is going on in the world. Obviously teens having sex is a big deal but it's going on nonetheless and ignoring the facts will not make it go away nor will it make your children abstain from doing so themselves.

While I didn't find the topic of the story by Rachel Forrest all that interesting, I did find the writing quite good and very informative. It was also nice to know that there are still many restaurants out there that make all of their food on the premises.

Potter Power was a bit much for me. While I respected the author's point of view I think he was a bit crass and over-zealous with his criticizing.

Reading Blog Assigned for Group Projects

While I was moved by the account of the Hijacking of United 175 I found that the report was in more of an informative form than that of an essay. The writing was very choppy, not very descriptive and straight to the point. Such writing is suitable in this context.

The Science of Screams essay was very boring to me and should have included more about the actual roller coasters themselves than just talking about laws of gravity and physics that most people learned in the 4th grade.

The Greatest Generation was very moving to me and gave me a little more insight about what my great grandparents had to endure in their time. It gave accurate accounts of how FDR attempted to help the country out of of it's depression with his New Deal and yet still reported on the human side of things and did not just focus on the economical and political aspects of The Great Depression. I too believe that generation was,without a doubt, the strongest or country has ever seen.

In Meet Joe Blog you'll read about how blogging has changed the face of our news media today. If a newspaper or channel buries a story then bloggers will work even harder to dig it up. While I understand and respect how blogging has changed and will continue to change the world, I myself am not a fan. I have never enjoyed reading someones blog. If I wanted to bypass news and hear the political or personal rantings of someone I do know or care to know then I would just watch Fox News. It's ironic that I have such feeling of animosity towards blogging since that is, in fact, what I am doing at this very moment, but I'll have you know that if this were not for a grade there is no way in hell I would participate. Maybe that is rash. I know some people believe that those who do not like blogging are just backwards and ignoring the progress of society. If I were 55+ years old I may consider that to be true, however I am 20 and blogging is simply an activity of my generation that I would rather not be a part of.

Homeless on Campus really got me thinking. There are many students that cannot afford tuition much less to live in a dorm or in an apartment. For the most part,universities do little or nothing about this. Tuition is outrageous in part because the schools use so much of their funding on athletic or extra-curricular programs. If more of this money would go to lowering the costs of tuition, housing, and on campus food many students today would be at least a little better off.

Campus Outreach

I've recently started going to Campus Outreach with my boyfriend upon his request. It's a bit different for me since the people that lead the weekly event are obviously protestant (not that I am opposed) and I am Catholic. I enjoy how nice everyone there is though. For the most part, they seem to be very accepting of all that come in with spiritual views that differ from theirs. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it though. The religion thing has always been a very touchy topic for me. I'm not quite sure what I do believe but I know what what it is that I don't believe. At campus outreach they firmly stick to abstaining from sex before marriage and living a life free of alcohol. I know that "thou shalt not commit adultery" is pretty straight forward, but no alcohol? Where in the Bible is there anything about alcohol being a sin.Of course drinking to get drunk is obviously a sin just as is doing anything in excess, however I do not believe that have a beer or a few glasses of wine is morally wrong. I'm not sure where I stand on this nor am I sure what I will teach my children about the fact. It's just something to think about I suppose.

Multi-Cultural Event

So I went to a multi-cultural event a few weeks ago (I can't for the life of me remember what it was called) and it was great. There were speakers there from Kazakhstan, Saudi Arabia, Korea, India and many other places. Of course there was food there from each of those countries and then some. When the speakers got up to talk and show their videos I was really amazed at how attentive everyone at the event was. I grew up in a very small town here in Tennessee and I know that had an event like that been held there the few people that showed up would have made fun of these speakers relentlessly. While I have always been quite accepting of people who are of different ethnic background than myself, but growing up in a small town I certainly saw my share of those that were not. I was very proud to be a part of a school that makes others feel so welcome when there are so many in the world that do not. The event was very educational. I learned a lot about those countries and their people and ways of life. I learned about the stereotypes that are placed upon certain individuals and how these stereotypes affect their lives and their outlook on American people.

famILY or FaMiLy?

The holidays are supposed to be a happy time when you enjoy being with your family, right? Well this is certainly not so if you are Marley Ratliff. I recently came across a bumper sticker on Facebook that simply stated: famILY or FaMiLy? For me it is definitely the latter. I've always had serious issues family wise but the biggest problem lies with my step-dad. He and my mom married 17 years ago when I was 3 and he and I have constantly battled ever since. He hates me. And I'm not simply saying that in the 13 year old girl "my life sucks" kind of way. While he may not say it aloud his actions certainly convey such feelings of animosity towards not only myself, but my elder sister as well. Now, as if growing up with a verbally abusive step-father who made me cry almost daily wasn't enough punishment, he continues to hurt me now that I have moved out on my own. My mother has always refused to stand up for me or my sister, who now is married and has 3 children of her own but still gets treated as if she is a worthless piece of shit by the lovely Brian. I cannot even begin to convey how hurt I am that for the past 17 years my mom has selfishly sat by and watched her husband treat me so badly. I understand that in a conventional situation your spouse should always come first, but when you marry and have children from previous relationships, what is best for them should remain your foremost concern. I have pointed this out to her and she firmly stands by the fact that she does take up for me, but I don't see it. I also believe that if she stood up for me as much as she said she did he wouldn't have treated me so badly for so long. This week the fight was about taxes, a touchy subject for most to begin with. I filed my taxes this past April on my own for the first time. Beforehand, I made it very clear to my parents that I was doing so and that they should not claim me as a dependent. I also asked for their help several times and never received any so as the time to turn them in drew nearer I decided to just do it myself and pray I had gotten it right. Recently they received a letter in the mail saying that they may be audited because they should not have filed me as their dependent. My mother called to tell me and I told her that I would do what I could to help fix it if there had some way on my end to correct it. Now I realize that I was rather sarcastic about it and brushed it off but, finals are nearing and I am beyond stressed about all the medical issues I have had lately and the fact that I cannot seem to feel better for more than a day or so, not to mention that I'm broke and have several things that I need money for and I am also not near my parents so talking about all of this over the phone makes it much more painful and stressful than it should be. I know that's no excuse for being mean to my mother, but I was nonetheless I admit that I was wrong. Finally the whole thing escalated into my asshole step-dad calling and ripping me a new one and basically saying that my problems were not as large as theirs and that he would rather see me suffer than suffer himself, among other, more hurtful, things. I have still received no apology for the way I was treated. Even after the huge fight (which I played down quite a bit) I did what I could to get them out of this jam and have given them a sure fire way to fix everything. He won't apologize though, which I have come to expect because he believes he is never wrong. My mother has said nothing about it to me and is trying to pretend that nothing ever happened, as she always does. I believe this hurts me more than the fight or the fact that he has not apologized. I find that in recent years I am very short with my mother and have little tolerance for many things that she may say or do that annoy me. I can't help but wonder if this is partly because of all of my feelings of anger about many, many things that happened in the past. I would very much like some closure, but I'll never get it because our family policy is not to talk about it and it will all go away. This has never and will never work for me, nor does it truly work for anyone else. I love my mother very much but I am extremely sad, especially lately, because I am beginning to realize that I will never have the relationship that I would like to have with her. I am at my wits end and have decided that, at this point in my life there is no more that I can do to help our relationship and that the key lies in her hands. My only hope is that she will one day use it.

Top 25 Most Played

So I believe that the Top 25 Most Played songs on my iPod say a lot about who I am,what kind of music I enjoy, my life and ambitions, and what characteristics I value in the people I surround myself with, so here they are:

1. You Found Me - The Fray

2. In Your Atmosphere - John Mayer

3. Crush - Dave Matthews Band

4. All We Are - Matt Nathanson

5. See How I Run - Jessie Baylin

6. Stop This Train - John Mayer

7. Free Fallin' -John Mayer

8. The Ocean - The Bravery

9. Sideways - Citizen Cope

10. Blue In Green - Miles Davis

11. Deep Inside of You - Third Eye Blind

12. Twenty Years - Augustana

13. Violet Hill - Coldplay

14. When The World Ends - Dave Matthews Band

15. 3 x 5 - John Mayer

16. My Hero - Foo Fighters

17. Gravity - John Mayer

18. Walk Away - Ben Harper

19. You Wouldn't Like Me - Tegan and Sara

20. Her Eyes - Pat Mohnahan

21. Arms of a Woman - Amos Lee

22. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band

23. Forever - Ben Harper

24. Rebel Rebel - David Bowie

25. The Quiet Things That No One Knows - Brand New

It Gets Harder Everyday

In retrospect, high school was so easy. I had no responsibility. My classes were a joke. But college? College is hard. You have to make yourself get up everyday. You have to force your self to study. You have to go to class. You have bills to pay and a budget to obey. It sucks. No one is there to hold your hand and show you what to do. You just have to do it. Plain and simple. You've gotta put your Nike's on and Just Do It. I thought taking a year off would be good for me, and in a way it was. It made me realize what I want out of life and, more importantly, what I don't want out of life. For instance, I don't want my career to involve having to ask people:"Do you want fries with that?" or "Would you like that dressing on the side?" on a regular basis. Screw that. I also grew up alot in a year. I learned what hard work is and I learned the value of a dollar. I gained a ton of self-confidence and respect. I learned how to kiss ass to move up in the world. Sadly enough, this is the lesson I value the most. So college may be hard, but I'll do it because surviving on minimum wage is harder.

It Gets Harder Everyday